Letters

(Copyright M. Wooge 2003)

Dear Dr. Electro;

I suspect my loyal lieutenant, Rod the Rough, is plotting against me, with the intention sending me to a horrible death then taking over my plot for World Domination. Thinking the Plan will some day be his, he's doing great work. Naturally, I don't want to bump him off any sooner than I have to. Any tips on the best time to eliminate the threat?

Yours, the Amok Sword

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Dear Amok;

Timing is everything. Since you didn't risk exposure by telling me of your plans, I can only point out that he is unsuspecting of your suspicions of him, so he'll choose his own "best time" to throw you over. So. Figure out when your plans will be most advanced, and your attention fully on the Plan: it will be then that he will strike.

Sincerely, Doctor Electro

P.S. If you're planning on destroying the world, please don't. I like it here and moving to another planet would be inconvenient, so I'd have to destroy you myself. We wouldn't want that, would we?

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Dear Mister Electro,

My boss, the Amok Sword, is planning World Domination. Naturally, I plan to stab him in the back (maybe literally) on the eve of his success and continue the Plan on my own. Problem is, I suspect he's discovered my intended treachery, and will strike out at me before my evil act can be enacted. Any advice?

Yours in Eternal Debasement

Rod the Rough

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Dear Rod;

Go with your gut instinct. It's easy to assume that your suspicion of being found out is just normal, everyday, paranoia, but it's best to be safe on such matters. My suggestion is to decide the best time to strike at him, then assume he'll take care of his mistake (that's you) just before your strike. Your strike, then, must be moved up to just before his.

Sincerely, Doctor Electro

P.S. That's Doctor Electro. A common mistake, now that I'm no longer in the business, so to speak, but I insist.

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Dear Dr. Electro;

My (seemingly) loyal lieutenant has apparently become aware of my suspicions of him. Does this mean I should decide the best time for his takeover, the time to strike before that to strike, then assume he'll strike before that and make my own more previous?

Yours, the Amok Sword

PS No, I do not intend to destroy the Earth. I have no means of leaving so would have only a second or two to enjoy my triumph before my own destruction. I'm doing a simple World Domination plot, where no one gets hurt. Aside from my (supposedly) loyal lieutenant.

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Dear Doctor Electro,

Little does my boss know that I am aware that he knows of my intent to off him before he does it to me before I do it to him, thus I will strike while he still thinks himself safe!

Yours in Perpetual Appeasement

Rod the Rough

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Dear Dr. Electro;

Rod the Rough, my (dis)loyal lieutenant, remains transparent to my ever-diligent evil eye! I know of his plan to remove me before he removes me before I remove him before I remove him.... Uh, whatever. I'm so confused! What must I do!?

Yours, the Amok Sword

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Dear Doctor Electro,

My boss, the Amok Sword, has become opaque to my all-seeing evil eye. Little does he know that this is itself a valuable clue that he knows I intend to eliminate him before he eliminates me before I eliminate him before he eliminates me before I eliminate him. I do not, however, know if he's detected my intent to get him, well, before all that.

Question: given all the pre-emptive planning, just when is a good time to commit?

Yours in Awsome Respect

Rod the Rough

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Dear Amok;

Your situation is confused, indeed. My advice is to strike against your traitorous collegue immediatly!

Sincerely, Doctor Electro

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Dear Rod;

Your situation is confused, indeed. My advice is to strike against your traitorous collegue immediatly!

Sincerely, Doctor Electro

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Dear Mistress of Indirection;

My advice column has reaped an unexpected windfall. If all goes well, I will be able to usurp a Plan for World Domination nearing completion and claim it as my own. I leave within the hour, wish me luck.

Bwahahaha!

Doctor Electro